I can raise my hand in support of self-care. I am a firm believer in it. I tell new members and new moms to do it. I know how important it is. But, I’m guilty of not doing it enough.
When we feel better about ourselves, we are better moms, better wives or husbands, better friends, and we are happier. Everything in our head tells us, "Yes! Do this!" I mean, who wouldn’t want to do something that makes us feel good?
I’m aware that this is an area of my life that needs improvement, and most of us, as parents, are not selfish - we get caught in the trap of doing everything we can for our kids, because let’s face it, when you’ve got twins (and some of you have twins + more children), it’s easy to focus on them and your spouse - and before you know it, you’ve forgotten about you. If you’re like me, you say to yourself, “well I got things accomplished for the kids; my husband got to eat his favorite dinner this week, I’ve accomplished that much.” But I’m constantly leaving out myself as a priority.
The term “self care” can be vague. It means different things to different people. For myself, I know it’s a type of activity that is outside of my normal routine. I think part of the biggest problem is trying to figure out exactly what that is. For me, it might be taking an art class (which I’ve never done), or participate in a sport I’ve never played before. I don’t get to spas very often, so having a massage day or a mani/pedi might be something out of the norm for me.
It would be great if my husband and I could get a date night or weekend (I can dream) without the kids. But, since my husband and I don’t have the luxury of close family members who can watch our twins overnight, going away for a weekend together is not a realistic goal.
I can, however, have a night out with girl friends, go to a movie, go to a MWPoM event (not a board meeting or general meeting, but like a mom’s night out or convention). And sometimes that’s all you need every once in a while.
With so much to do for my family, obligations and responsibilities, I feel like there's this big angry clock in the sky, and I constantly hear it ticking. I'm willing to bet that I'm not alone in that feeling.
Yet, at the same time I'm preaching this, in my head I'm going over all the things that I have to get done, and the list is a mile long, and pretty soon, my plan for "self-care" goes right out the window. I think the key is time management. For some reason, when the twins were babies, I was able to have them on a schedule, and I managed everything else around their feeding & sleeping schedules. Now that they're older and in school 6 hours a day (as long as there are no half-days, teacher professional days or holidays), it would seem easier to manage, but somehow it's not. I still find myself playing catch-up. Granted, I'm also volunteering my time more as well. I'm working part-time on average of about 2 days a week. I volunteer for MWPoM as a member of the Executive Board, chairing two positions. At my twins' elementary school, I'm a Room Parent and the Yearbook Chair, so I guess I've gotten the "volunteer" thing down. For my husband's family, I host Thanksgiving/Hanukkah (we celebrate it together) and Passover each year.
But having a lot on your plate is not really an excuse for not doing something for yourself. If you're busy like me, you have to make the time, and schedule it in. We are all so busy all the time, and it's hard to forget ourselves with everything that needs to get done. We need to remember to breathe. And breathe again. And schedule something for you. Something that makes you happy, and makes you breathe a sigh of relief, and hopefully inspire you to do it more often.